No, I'm not expecting...
and I can never be expecting again.
Which is why I want to continually lay out there serious facts and education for mom's who are pregnant or want to be some day.
I MISS looking like this, feeling those kicks and savoring all those moments that are so special about a new baby growing inside.
(believe me, pregnancy does not out shine an adoption, both processes of expecting a baby are beautiful and incredible and one doesn't outshine the other. However, this blog post is about delivery. I will say, both come with their own amounts of pain. It's just the way it is plain and simple.)
PLEASE take some time and read this great blog post
Every now and then I go through long spans of time of really struggling with what has happened to me. Of nightmares about my boys births... They were NOT wonderful experiences like I'd always dreamed of. I was drugged, and it was all surreal, my first moments with them stolen and the true gift of experiencing a birth was snatched away. Now, I will never know what it could have been.
My last month has been plagued with nightmares, waking in tears remembering and grieving.
You see, medical intervention CAUSED my emergency c-sections. My lack of knowledge allowed the SAME intervention to happen to myself and my sons not once but twice.
We didn't know until after my body was destroyed that the doctors actually caused our c-sections. We didn't know until it was to late that ALL of my complications could have been avoided.
If I could go back, (I know, silly to look back and think of all the whatifs, but I do... Often... So much has been taken from me.) Anyhow, If I could, I would do what I had first wanted to do and gotten a midwife with my first son and had a homebirth... I would NOT listen to those who didn't agree. If I could have anymore through pregnancy I would NEVER go to a hospital again. EVER...
I know that there are times when a c-section is a necessity, I understand that, my mom had 5 days of non progressive labor with me. She HAD to have a c-section. But I didn't... I didn't need one, at least not until the doctors pushed and pushed the epidural on me telling me I couldn't do it without it, that I really needed it to rest... I got it at 7cms, and my labor stopped. They almost immediately came in and said "we need to get you moving there are lots more women in the triage waiting for a room" and broke my water. With the epidural and broken water I was not allowed out of bed and went to sleep only to awake later to alarms and the room flooding with nurses, internal monitors were attached to my baby (I was ASSURED it wouldn't hurt him, but after he was born there was a HUGE scab on his head) They did this a few times before suddenly he went into distress
being wheeled like a flash of light to the O.R. The doctor road my bed with her hand inside of me to hold my son's head up because he was dying. Long story short, they had to knock me out for the birth.
The last thing I remember before falling asleep was the doctor screaming at everyone in the room, throwing my husband out and my Jaden's heart stopping.
What I know now is that... The epidural stopped the labor, which put some stress on him, then to get the contractions moving they broke my water, but because his head had NOT descended into the birth canal the cord fell in before him, because the cord was in front of him AND around his neck at this point every time he began to descend into the canal he strangled himself, slowly killing him throughout my labor.
It put him into NICU... It nearly took his life.
And I am here to tell you... Birth and labor is NOT an illness, it is a process which our bodies as women is built for, we should be given the time to labor naturally... Not shoved through the process as fast as possible on an assembly line so the doctor can make more money.
Not only did their "intervention" almost kill two of my babies,
it has also left permanent damage on my body... I have pelvic lesions and so much scar tissue that I cannot live through a day without pain, and I can never cary a baby again because the uterus would rupture killing myself and my baby (words can't say how much I wish I could carry again.)
However, God's plans are perfect and we are blessed with our 5 beautiful children, I would not change that or any one of them.. God is faithful... YET, if I can save another woman from living through what I have, and the nightmares that follow, I will share my story over and over.
To sum up, seriously consider a midwife or a doula really PRAY about it... get educated, don't allow them to break your water (your baby can be born with water intact, there is NOT a need for this procedure, they just do it to make your contractions stronger.)
6 comments:
You took my breath away when I saw you picture! Good thing your disclaimer came quickly! I was fairly certain you said before that you couldn't carry another baby- so I was shocked :)
I recently read an article that stated by what a significant percent homebirthing has grown over the last few years. It's exciting to see women explore their options. Even if you go in with a birth plan, they don't often seem to be respected and a laboring woman is far too vulnerable to put up much of a fight.
Thank you for sharing you story and confirming the dangers associated with going down a one size fits all checklist.
Your post brought tears to my eyes, and made me all the more thankful for the "old fashioned" doctor I had with mine. My daughter (born in 1988) was 2 weeks late, but my doctor would not induce labor with pitocin, he believed in letting me "do it on my own". He was right, my water broke at home at 6pm and the mild back labor I'd had all day moved to the front. She was born at 9:12 pm. I did have an epidural, but it barely had time to take effect. When my 2nd child was born, I had the same doctor, once again, my water broke on my own and he asked if I wanted an epidural. I told him no, the other one had made me feel terrible after Casey was born, so I had Austin without the use of drugs. We werre both much more alert and in great shape. By the time our 3rd one came along my doc had retired, but I was 37,so I was not afraid to stand up for what I wanted. Once again, I had Logan without the use of drugs, and we were so much better off.
I hate that you had such awful deliveries, but I am so glad that you are speaking out. It really bothers me that so many doctors schedule "induction" labors. I believe that your body knows when it's ready, and if you happen to have a baby 2 weeks late(like my first), 2 weeks early (like my2nd), or right on time (like the 3rd) God has the right birthdate chosen.
Keep sharing your story, it may just save lives.
I also had a very similair reasons for my first c-section. It is something I really regret - not having the knowledge to stand up for what I wanted & saying "NO" to the induction. My second was 2 weeks past due date & they wouldn't allow me to go any longer & since they wouldn't induce after a c-section it was all over for my dreams of a natural birth. We are still hoping & praying for more blessings with the knowledge that it will be by c-section.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thanks for sharing that. I have heard many horror stories about births in the hospital. Thank goodness they are there or my little brother would not be alive today! If you can, the home-birth with little, or natural relaxants would be so nice. The Dr.'s just have to get you in, and get you out. They can't wait hours and hours for you to go through the process correctly. Which is so sad. Because they are like you and can't have more babies. Thank you for sharing this. :) I know it wasn't easy, but I appreciate it!
I know this is an older post, but I saw it and decided to read it. Amazing how faithful God is! I had a very similar experience!! I was completely uneducated when it came to labor and delivery with my two children. I went in, had epidurals, then subsequently pitocin. With my daughter the epidural stopped my labor completely. The pitocin was just something they did, really without telling me much about it. However, with my son, we were on a military base in the middle of the desert. They had NO operating room, so if an emergency would have happened, I would have been put on a helicopter and taken a 40 minute ride to the nearest hospital. I went in to the hospital for a scheduled induction (I was not even past due). I was 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced. My body was preparing to probably go into natural labor within the next few days. They immediately hooked me up to epidural AND pitocin. The Epidural was so strong I was completely paralyzed from my arms down. I kept vomiting and passing out (also due to my very low blood pressure, which they did not seem to be concerned about). They noticed with each contraction my sons heartbeat dropped dramatically. So they said I had to flip sides every 20 minutes or so, thinking it was a certain side that was crushing him or something (it was the pitocin induced harsh contractions that was crushing him because he had not descended). After 17 hours of labor like that I had had enough. I demanded the epidural be turned off. They warned me against that. They kept saying "you don't want to feel pain do you?" I told them I would rather pain than being a paralyzed. They turned off. Just as I was starting to feel pain and have feeling down there my doctor said I needed to push. He looked at me and said "your son's heartbeat is disappearing, I will break his collarbone and pull him out if you can't push him out in the next minute". Because I now had feeling, I pushed him out in 2 pushes. He was being strangled alive. Had they had an operating room I would have had a c-section. Had I not turned off the epidural, my son could have died. I know this because It took me 3 hours to push my daughter out because I had no feeling, so I couldn't push. I would do a midwife if I could do it all over again. Keep educating women! I do too!
Oh I forgot to say, my son's cord was wrapped around his neck twice, and by the time he was born he heart beat was at a steady 39 beats per minute :-(
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