Tame your tongue... give some grace

 Not to long ago I was standing in line at the store with only one child. Little Evie was happily chattering along in the seat of the cart and I was enjoying repeating back to her the words she was saying and naming everything she was pointing at.  When behind me I began to hear a child throwing a fit and the mom in hushed tones trying to curb it.  Evie stopped her chatting and began to stare, people began to point at the woman and watch her as she with red cheeks tried to calm her child, as another in her cart began to cry about something else.

 I happened to catch her eye at one point and smiled at her. She apologized, do you know my response...  Don't apologize, EVERY mom deals with a checkout fit at some point.

 I could feel her emotions, I could understand that embarrassment and the feeling of being judged as you try to quietly deal with the outburst. I could see that other moms were calculating how THEY would have handled the situation.

 But what THEY haven't seen is this mom's entire day. They don't know what else she may be facing, or what may be playing into the attitudes of the child at the checkout.  I know that when I face judgement like that out in public (AND I DO) I just want to make these people sit down and understand me. It hurts when people whisper comments under their breath or act like it's because I have "so many" kids.

 I had just such a day yesterday. It was awful, from the get go.

People watching me yesterday didn't see me wake up feeling ill and fatigued, that while I am no longer in liver failure, I AM still sick and I DO still have bad days.

People didn't see the hour long crying fit that my youngest son had because he had to get dressed.

They didn't see me cry through having to give him yet another dose of medication that I know will make him cry through getting dressed the next day.

They didn't see my oldest child shuffle his feet and feel discouraged about having to take his own medication.

They didn't see ALL the heart issues of five kids I dealt with that morning.

They didn't see the discouragement of being chronically ill, or having two chronically ill children.

They didn't see the tears in the grocery isles because they can't eat ANYTHING fun because of allergies.

They didn't see how much of a failure I felt like all day because I have to withhold foods from my kids, make them take medication they hate and because I am human and get frustrated myself.

 When we are out in public we only see that moment of a mother's life. We don't see all the different things that she may be facing and we should have compassion and encouraging words for her.

 No matter how frustrated a mom seems, even if she seems like she is at her boiling point we need to realize that maybe one kind action from those of us on the outside can lift her back up into her place and give her the courage to continue on, but a nasty response (like Pointing a harsh finger at a mom from your car window while you shake your head at her) Can just shatter her to bits and break her heart and back.

 I find it vitally important when we are in public to display the truth of having multiple kids (I don't really call us a large family) BUT... I DO view my children as a blessing, I LOVE them. But we ALL have bad days.  There is so much going on in peoples lives that we have no clue about...  Please, give some grace and be understanding.

 (this is NOT to say that if you see an abusive mother you do nothing, Certainly that child needs some help.)

 But for a mom who is just frustrated and shoves her kale BACK into the grocery bag for the 5th time in two minutes with some serious frustration after chasing it out into the parking lot while another child sobs behind her saying he's just going to live at the grocery store and never come home. Smile at her please and know that she is JUST that, frustrated and shoving Kale into a bag.

"I knit you together in your mother's womb"

While I passionately HATE the term "fetus" (This term detaches the world from the soul and life within the womb, rather than say baby and offend some they say fetus, as if it is just another type of tissue inside the body. I hate the term, my children were ALL babies inside the womb from the moment that the Lord began to weave.)

This video is amazing. What an incredible thing it is to have the technology to look inside to a "hidden place" where the Lord is knitting together precious fearfully and wonderfully made babies!

 Click on this picture to read more.

 As a follower of Christ and as the mommy of a baby who is part African American I can promise you I did NOT read this website without many many tears.  Our world is turning against it's own children, they are exchanging their inheritance for the now and for the idol of self. It is utterly beyond me how a country who claims to be so "politically correct" can blatantly follow the ideals of a woman so wicked as Margaret Sanger who's goal was to eliminate all but those she deemed fit to live.

I praise the Lord daily for my Evelyn's birthmother, who despite all the odds chose to give precious Evie life and to become a heroine and the answer to years and years of my prayers.

Oh women, CHERISH them!

Yesterday after we'd spent the morning getting x-rays done of Carter J's sinuses he and I headed out to have lunch together, just us! (special treat when you have three brothers)

We had a great time, I enjoy my kids SO much. I don't really leave them very often and the truth is it's because I don't have the desire to very often. (every now and then it is nice to have a slight breather) but honestly by the time an hour has past, I'm aching to see my kids again. I miss them when I'm not with them. I know that as mothers we all get tired and burnt out at times, but you know... No matter how bad things are we should be cherishing and that should always reflect in our behavior to our children.

Carter J has always been my child who the Lord shows me in such a real way how precious every minute with our kids is, how each and every breath is a gift from the Lord. You learn that in such a tangible way when you watch your baby's chest rise and fall and praise Him for each breath that came and beg Him for another to follow.

I then spent the morning at the hospital with Carter J again today for blood work. There is nothing in this world like taking your precious baby and having blood work done, my heart still feels torn. He was SO brave though, he didn't cry one bit.

When we got to the car he informed us

"Taking peoples blood is a sin" hehehe... And he keeps telling me he wasn't brave because he said ouch. poor baby. His poor little spirit is so broken with all these doctors appointments and tests... He is getting more and more discouraged to go along with not feeling well and not playing. It is SO hard to watch. And this mommy says: A treat of a carmel apple cider from starbucks never hurts when you've been poked!

I still start crying every time I think about our outing yesterday and in a public bathroom there was a mother just snapping, yelling and destroying her little girl with her words. Using language that isn't befitting a sailor. It BROKE my heart... Children are a blessing from the Lord, they can be taken in an instant and every single second with them should be of value!

From where we are at in life right now between feeling like we're looking down the barrel of a gun with Carter J's health and all the "possibilities" and having just held, loved and lost a baby, I simply cannot comprehend how parents can behave so.

So this is my encouragement to ANYONE who has kids, carefully choose your words and actions moment by moment. Lavish your precious babies with LOVE.

The power of words

"Sticks and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me."

We've all heard the little rhyme from the very first time we walked on the playground. But there couldn't be a more false rhyme created by school children or whoever so foolishly created it.

I am often the object of shock and stares when we go into public and just as often I hear people whispering under their breath or those who are just as bold as could be that exclaim it right to my face... "four boys! oh my you poor thing" or perhaps the age old, "you are a saint" oh yes and the ever popular "you do know what causes that don't you!?" and the constant "my you have your hands full" at every turn.

I usually shrug them off with some sort of sweet remark about how blessed I am (ok, sometimes I'm sarcastic). But honestly I almost always walk away feeling somewhat sad for those who are so dismayed that anyone would actually have that many children. Honestly I don't really consider our family big, not yet anyway!

But even more so, I feel heart broken that having four boys is so frowned upon. Today however may have been the hardest encounter of this kind. While shopping I had a woman who I know was completely unaware of how her words effected my entire family begin to exclaim about four boys... and then she started into, "where is the sister??!! Common' boys don't you want a sister?"

I watched as Caleb just stood and stared at her anger washing over his entire little being, he didn't say a word, he was respectful but as he turned away from her I saw tears rolling down his cheeks. None of the boys answered her, they all just looked hurt and a little shocked and confused as to how to answer such a painful question for our family.

Anyway, it got me to thinking... How do I present myself, do I say things when out in public or with family and friends that encourage others and build them up or do I tear them down without even realizing it? Words have such a deep impact, people we come into contact with may be suffering deep wounds that we know nothing about. How mindful am I to only say things that would be an encouragement?!

I pray that by sharing this I can encourage others to always be tender hearted towards any mother out shopping with her children, because everything we say to mom is heard and taken to heart by her precious babies.

My boys have asked me countless times why I'm so poor because I have four boys and what is wrong with having four boys. I always tell them I'm not poor but rich because God has blessed their daddy and I with a full quiver!

~The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.~ Psalm 37:30