goodbye 2012

I wrote this for the title page of my 2012 family album but I thought I would share here... because the truth of our year is an amazing thing.

Looking back over 2012 three very precious words come to mind; answers, healing and hope.

 I feel as though these words are the theme of our year and the lessons and gifts that the Lord has given to our family as we walked through each day and sought His face in the many aspects of our lives.  Some of those aspects pretty complicated, but yet; not complicated for the God who loves us with such an incredible unconditional love.

 Our year began with a huge dose of healing. It took me several months to truly be on my feet again and able to handle everyday life after the hysterectomy right before Christmas in 2011. I spent most of January in the blue wing back chair, hurting, longing and waiting to be up and around and feeling well. But once recovery came; oh the purest delight to be free from constant anemia, constant nausea and fatigue.  Finally!!! I could be a mommy and a wife again.

 Then began answers, years and years of not knowing what was wrong with Carter J, years of medical tests; diagnosis and medications all came clear.  Carter J was evaluated and diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.  Things became clear all these symptoms we had been dealing with were a direct result of a nervous system disorder. Thus, OT began and in understanding his needs healing in our hearts began. The asthma is still there, silent most of the time and the seizures are gone unless he has a peanut or eggs… healing.  We love this child SO much; so very much.

 In the process of gaining answers for Carter J we also gained answers for Tayelan; and he began therapy as well. He is the opposite of Carter J in his sensory needs in that he is a sensory avoider where Carter J is a sensory seeker.  Taye also has very serious Praxis issues which make everyday tasks ten times harder for him to complete than his brothers. But he has worked so hard and is getting stronger and more confident every day.

 Perhaps the most miraculous of all was the news that the MRI showed spot on Caleb’s brain was gone! What pure delight to see our son set free from the medications that have both protected and yet hindered him for 3 years. We had been told the spot would never go away. We had been told it might grow; but not so… Our Lord healed him. He removed the spot from our son’s brain!

 In September we took a trip to the ocean. This was such a source of healing for all of us as a family. We truly have been though a lot over the years and to deny that would be to deny the testimony the Lord is building into us.  The trip was such a treasure. It was an opportunity to get away from the normal everyday things and stop and focus on each other, on the Lord and on healing that I didn’t even realize was needed.  What a treasure it was to stand on the edge of the deep and see God’s mighty hand displayed in answered prayer as I watched our beautiful five children play and revel in the beauty all around them.

 Caleb was with us, epilepsy had not conquered or taken him. Jaden sang and played with joy and delight as always. Tayelan understood his sensory needs and cared for them, he enjoyed himself, he was beaming so much of the time a real unhindered smile! Carter J is alive, which in itself is beyond words incredible, but even more than that we understand him and can help him understand his world better each day.  Evelyn…. How does one capture that in words? To see her pure curly delight in the ocean, the waves, the sandcastles, the dolphins and crabs every little detail she could take in. It was the finality of the journey to bring her home. It was incredible joy in returning to a place covered in grief and filling it with joy 4 years later.

 This journey through the year also brought incredible hope. Each new way the Lord displayed His love and His hand in our walk only served to reignite and build hope. Hope that He is in control. Hope that He loves us and hope that He will one day bring our beautiful daughter Lydia home to us and that day will be in His perfect timing with His perfect love covering it all.