"How in the world, for the sake of my joy, do I learn to use eucharisto (thankfulness) to overcome my one ugly and self -destructive habit of ingratitude (that habit that causes both my cosmic and daily fall) with the saving habit of gratitude-that would lead me back to deep God-communion.
~from: "One Thousand Gifts" By Ann Voscamp
Carefully tucked into the pages of this book, this wonderful/awful book of one thousand gifts is a love letter from my husband. I carefully chose my bookmark. Really I did. I want DESPERATELY to believe and live the words he rains over me. To BE the wife he wrote to, to reach for a possibility of seeing myself through his eyes and through God's.
Develop a new habit of thankfulness... How? I'm SO scared to take that step and pick up a pen. How do I let go of the old? How do I write out a list of things to be thankful for when I've focused for so long on the things to be un-thankful for?
Though it is NOT comfortable living here, discouraged, scared, full of self-hatred only able to see the failures of each day looming before me, and yet how do I step away from it... How do I believe those things aren't true anymore? Can it be possible?
I will take the dare. I have a beautiful prayer journal elegant and handmade by a friend that I have only barely written in, I will turn this journal into a daily part of this journey.
Can I gain the courage to lift the pen? To CHANGE? Yes... eventually.
3 comments:
your post brought this post to mind
"2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
Because of Jesus we are made new, new identity,we are not belonging in His family... but we often fail to live that new life fully, we life with our old self, the one stain by sin, by fear, by lies!!!!
I'm like you am still learning, still growing, still needing to trust Him fully, with all aspect of my life, leaving it unto his hand, letting my fear go and letting trust win.
I *know* that "my" children are not mine but "His", I know that "my" life is not my own, but "his" I know "my" plan are not my own but "his"
I "know" all of this, but yet try to have a grip on it, to control things that I have no control over.
I fight, I fight to keep my treasures, to keeps what I think is "mine" and is afraid of letting it go.
There are days that the fight is not hard and surrendering is easy, but others I hold on tight, I struggle, I sin!
Thank you for writing this post
Much love
In Christ
Renee
Ps I'm still in the first chapter of the book, I find that I can't just read it, I needs to slowly digest it, like a good meal!
I'm finding that the hardest things... the ugliest things... the very things that threaten my trust in His goodness are the things I must surrender to and give thanks in.
I'm with you. Loving and hating this book.
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